Sunday, May 11, 2014

how to not run away from the ones that love you?

Le Love Blog Running Away From Those That Love You Photography Girl Laying in Underwear Thinking In Sun light exploring by Milan madhjamaka, on Flickr
Photo via: Milan madhjamaka

I’ve been with him for just over a year. I’m a runner by nature. As in,
when things start to get serious, when they start to feel permanent, I
leave the man I am with. This is one is pretty much perfect. Kind,
considerate, handsome, affectionate, generous, head over heels in love
with me. So in love with me, that it scares me. How can he get so
invested? He says he wants to build his life around me. The thought scares
me. I am down to earth, practical, a career first kind of girl. I wanted
to build my life around a place, a job, a career. Once all that was
settled, I figured I would meet someone and fall in love and maybe even
settle down. But love happened first. And now I am unsure whether to keep
it. Unsure because the longer I am with him, the more in love with me he
is, and all the while I am not sure if I will stay here. Maybe I’ll
travel, maybe I’ll go to grad school, maybe I’ll take a job across the
continent or even the world. I am unsure if he fits into those plans or
not. And because I’m afraid, because he is blameless, I have started
picking little fights, being stand-offish, secretly hoping to send him
over the edge and force him to break up with me, because I’m too cowardly
to be the bad guy. But I can’t push him away like the others, he sees
through it, and holds tight. It fills me with happiness and breaks my
heart all at the same time.

So to the people that are like me, and run away when they get scared of
the intensity of their feelings or the feelings of the one they’re with,
what do I do? Did you regret running away? Or was it better for you in the
long run, and less hurtful to the person you left?

To the people that got left behind, do you wish he or she had stayed? Or
was leaving you the best thing they ever did for you in the end?

I just want to put it out there that it’s not that I feel I don’t deserve
to be loved. I’m just not sure if this is the time or place to be in so
deep. I am afraid how madly and selflessly he loves me. It’s like I’m his
air or something. It’s frightening, but thrilling. But can you love too much?

80 comments:

  1. He sounds creepy.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
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  2. Girl talk, you better start talking with him.
    Just all you said here, tell him.
    Better think twice before you throw things away.

    Sincerely from a runner too

    ReplyDelete
  3. I am a runner also...
    I have never regretted running. But I have regretted staying too long...

    ReplyDelete
  4. Love is a freaking scary thing

    ReplyDelete
  5. I could be a runner at times. Intimidated by the standards of "love" set by society. I ran away from my partner, tried to push him over the edge. I pushed him away and hurt him more than I ever could've known. My advice to you would be to do something I never did - simply talk to him. Hope everything works out for you dear x

    ReplyDelete
  6. Consider yourself lucky to have someone who loves you so much. People go through life searching for the love you have already found and most never feel that intensity within their lifetime.

    You should run. He deserves someone who truly loves him, the way he does for you.

    ReplyDelete
  7. honestly, it's hard to find someone to truly loves you like that. Careers, jobs, school...they'll come and go but love is something different. I've always ran from the guys who truly cared but I was scared it was going to get serious and guess what... I've regretted it ever since.

    ReplyDelete
  8. If u cant give to him what he deserves leave that man, I just read this and i feel the same so im gonna do the same thing im telling you to do.

    ReplyDelete
  9. I agree with this comment above "You should run. He deserves someone who truly loves him, the way he does you." Also, you will prbably regret it. I'm a runner, always have been. I once had the perfect human being and I ran. Just like you, pushing and poking at first and then finally taking off. I am with another amazing person right now but it took years for me to find someone so complete and wonderful...and I'd be lying if I said I didn't think back to that love once in a while and wonder. Love moves on though, with or without you.

    ReplyDelete
  10. Tough situation. I have definitely dated girls like this. Precarious times. Check out my book I just published about the terrible ups and downs of relationships http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00K9UJXEA

    ReplyDelete
  11. Do you miss him when he's not around? Do you feel relieved?
    Answer to that and you will know.

    ReplyDelete
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  13. Don't run. I was in the same position and I did. And I regretted it for a very long time. Lucky for me, I was given a second chance down the road with the same guy. But who knows, you may not be that lucky. I say in this case, if you love him, don't let him go. You can have the career and romance.

    ReplyDelete
  14. You need to talk to him about the way you feel. If not for this relationship then for all the relationships in your future. There is something crucial about being able to communicate your feelings. If this person is in it for the long run, the relationship will be able to handle it....and if it is not meant to be or is not strong enough then you will find that out as well(and you will be glad you did). Because if he is going to be with you he ought to be with the real you that is scared of making commitments and has a history of running. If it is important to you you need to take the step of talking to him. (Right now you are just having a conversation with yourself:) No one can give you the answers, but you can let them appear. Start with a convo and use the words "i feel like....." as opposed to putting it on him or the relationship.

    I'm in and have been in a very similar situation for the past few months, and things are still rocky, but it is much better and I feel less sick to my stomach now that I have let him know this "secret" i was keeping.

    ReplyDelete
  15. I was a person that got left behind by the person of my dreams. It hurt, and our ending was never fixed - left open ended, with millions of questions, and not even one explanation. However, almost even two years later and into a new relationship I am thankful that he left. He didn't appreciate me in the way that I deserved. Deep in your heart you should know - even if a little voice in your heart tells you otherwise. Best of luck.

    ReplyDelete
  16. I was left behind. It's only been a few months so I can't really say whether I'm glad he left yet. Still reeling from the heartbreak. I do however wish that he did talk to me about and give us a chance to make some adjustments together. Him leaving without explanation makes me feel like I was worth nothing to him. Like all my love was not appreciated. At the same time though, I'm glad we didn't move in together or get engaged and then break up. That would have killed me. Don't mislead him. Talk.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It was his loss. You need to move in with your life. I had a friend that was left at the altar and after 1 year and being coached by a good astrologer she really changed her life. It's like she is a new person.

      Delete
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  18. Agreed with the comments above, don't mislead him nor yourself , just talk about it. Think about what you want and also, what you both deserve. It's not a great feeling to be a heart breaker (from experience). Ask yourself, whether or not in a few months you will regret losing him? That is the best advice I can offer. I, myself am also a runner but I've learnt from it. It's not fun to play with peoples' feelings so be considerate enough to think about him, while not forgetting about yourself.

    ReplyDelete
  19. It would be unfair to him if you stayed. Clearly you both are not in the same page and he deserves better than that. If you were truly happy with him I am convinced that the urge to run would not have come into play.

    ReplyDelete
  20. I can identify with your post. I've been a runner. I've changed over the last few years and have actually met many men who like me run…. I realized how much pain I may have caused others. And I do regret it. Don't fear love. Stay… make changes in you… change things about the relationship to make it exciting and new. You don't ever become permanent… keep changing, but stay and keep loving! Try it

    ReplyDelete
  21. I didn't stay with my man. He was the best man I've been with and everyone I meet after him suffers badly. Im constantly going back and forth repair, sadness and opthimism. He was my rock, he was always there for me. But he didn't show me enough interrest some days. We were in a LDR. When I met him, I always cried in his arms as he was leaving, because I knew he wouldn't find enough time for me and I was too proud to have that conversation alot of times. He said I was the love of his life. He was certainly mine. But he's lost. I lost, don't listen to your sense- ask your heart; mine expresses nothing but pain- which means I took a wrong decision.

    ReplyDelete
  22. He sounds a bit creepy, but I think you should talk to him though

    ReplyDelete
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  24. You are lucky to found a man who loves you so sincerely. But it seems that you are not ready yet. Don't "run away". Talk, and take a step back.

    ReplyDelete
  25. Is LeLove not posting anymore or has it moved? :/

    ReplyDelete
  26. I miss your posts...I hope everything's ok...

    ReplyDelete
  27. yes! i miss them too. i keep on coming back again and again....
    i do hope all is ok in your world

    ReplyDelete
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  30. You're just not that into him. If you were into him nothing else would matter. If you can't give of yourself then he's not the one.

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  31. Hii. Must say you are really lucky. Everyone is not as lucky as you. I used to think that I won't get a person who will love from the bottom of his hear. But Luvnest helped me meet a person who is extra loving, extra caring, in short madly in love with me.

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  32. Is the blog gone now?

    ReplyDelete
  33. Don regret, either way. Don think you will get to meet a better guy, or that you will find a better career path. Think what is most important to you, the love of your life and less well paying job, or most satisfying career and settling for someone you 'quite' like. And you'll have your answer.

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  38. where are you lelove? i muss u. hope everything is fine<3

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  40. I miss this blog. I come here every day to see if it's back. I hope everything's ok<3

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  42. me too :( i visit everyday hoping there's updates

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  43. Waiting for new article to come up, I miss reading here!

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  44. me too :/ and I hope you are ok!

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  47. I am a runner, just like you. in fact I have been on the run my entire life. From the moment I start to like someone I have the urge to run, like I cannot breathe. Everything not to feel anything. Drown it, kill it. And gosh I wish that someone one day sees through this all, because 99% of the time I feel lonely and misunderstood. So if that guy sees through rhis all, he might be worth the risk not to run. Cause in the end you might regret the run and by then it may be too late

    ReplyDelete
  48. There is life even after broken heart, yeaaaa ...

    ReplyDelete
  49. Wow I recently went thru something like this and we'll it's really tough because you can tell the person loves you so much and it's heartbreaking to hurt them. I realized I wasn't in love with him but instead of fighting the feeling I just let things flow on their own and I got to say he sort of caught my heart. So just go with the flow and follow your heart. If your heart is not in it then maybe it's time to let him go so ya both can find your true happiness. He'll live!

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  59. I just want to start by saying, I adore your blog. All i'm going to say is, don't run.

    - alesha xo

    ReplyDelete
  60. how could anybody run from the best and most intensive feelings you ever had? i still don't get it..

    yes.. i was left behind.. and this multiple times within the last 4 years - from the girl that from the first moment we knew clearly was (and is) the only one.. the one i need to marry.. she comes back every year for another try.. she needs to.. her feelings are to big, too... but every time she discards me because she get's scared of herself.. for those amount of feelings.. this intense desire and affinity..
    she isn't used to know herself like this.. and she has it only, when were together.. "normally" she don't even want touching.. but as we all know, love isn't normal at all !!!

    so.. back to the topic.. how come you could run away from whatever makes you feel this extraordinary? this supernatural?
    i don't get it..
    you asked if you should run? NO! DON'T RUN! STAY !!
    get over your fears.. it's not worth the lost.. you could only win if you stay.. and from my point of view: not only you, as the runner would win.. we "stayers" would win even more.. so stay, and don't ruin your both lifes...

    and i have to end with one simple question:
    do you want to run away all your lifetime?

    ReplyDelete



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